Better Chance of
Converting to Islam Than…
The Law of Unintended Consequences reared its ugly head
recently.
We had gone on a 3 week trip to Europe, and while in Paris,
one of the people we were with ran over to a sidewalk table on the Rue St
Germaine to say hello to the Barefoot Contessa.
Barbara, who didn’t even know there was a food channel, had
no idea who she was; and I knew who she was but had never watched her show or
any other food show. We haven’t
seriously cooked, except for holidays, for at least 30 years, so there was no
incentive to watch.
I was impressed that our friend could pick out the Barefoot
Contessa from the crowd at the restaurant we were casually passing. Maybe she was worth a look.
Once we got home, I watched her show a couple of times.
She made it seem so easy. I figured I could do that. How hard could it be?
She did it effortlessly.
I resolved to investigate further.
I watched Giada (another show) and she made it seem easy
also (She must only eat what is on the show and nothing else all day. That is the only explanation for how
skinny she stays compared to the other people I subsequently saw on the food
shows.).
I definitely could do this.
But first, I had noticed that both women used a food
processor to make things easier.
I decided I needed one to add to my collection of food
related tools. After all we did
have a blender (30 years old sitting in a cabinet somewhere), a crock pot
(which is still in its original box somewhere at the bottom of the linen
closet) along with an ice cream maker only used once from when my son was a cub
scout (at least I think we still have it).
I told Barbara of my idea to cook more at home. She thought it was a good idea if we
did it together. I agreed.
On my birthday, we went looking for Food Processors and
other necessary equipment such as a Grilling Pan for a Gas Stove.
Yes the same stove that was immaculate because Barbara was
afraid to get it dirty and ruin its pristine appearance. Times were a changing (Sorry Bob
Dylan).
We set out to shop, but couldn’t find what we were looking
for at a reasonable price.
We also looked at something for me for my birthday.
Barbara had a wonderful gift in mind. She bought a purse at the Coach outlet
store as my present, and since I had no use for it, she magnanimously decided
to keep it.
When I complained to my daughter about this, she told me it
was a wonderful idea and why wasn’t she getting one too. One of our friends also gave a similar
reply.
There is no justice!
I returned home, consulted with our cooking friend who
advised me to forsake the cheap food processors, and bought a large
Cuisinart on line at a good
price. I also started looking for
recipes that looked both easy and tasty.
I downloaded some recipes and Barbara and I decided on a few
to start.
Our children were very skeptical of our intentions and felt
we had bought the food processor in order to have an attractive cooking tool on
the counter top to give the appearance of cooking (it is true Barbara made me
buy a black one to match the granite).
They had little hope of us actually using it, much like the crock pot,
etc.
My sister was staying over that weekend and we showed her
the recipes we had chosen to start with.
We started to make a list of ingredients to purchase versus what we had
at home.
My sister, who is a good cook, opined that many of the
ingredients we had at home had probably expired or lost their freshness.
I was frankly amazed she would say that.
20 year old condiments are outdated? Chicken broth from 1987 is too
old? Does no one make quality
products any longer? At least
ketchup and frozen chicken can last a year, right?
She seemed to disagree and insisted on going to the store
with me to get “fresh” ingredients.
We returned from the store and Barbara and I resolved to
make our first dish, Lime Tequila Chicken.
In the meantime, I had called our friends from Paris and
told them of our plans. They said
they would be happy to come to dinner to try out the Lime Chicken. I readily agreed, confident in my
cooking prowess.
When I proudly told Barbara about having company to share
our first “cooked meal”, I got “The Look”.
“You can’t do that,” she declared.
“Why not?” I naively asked.
“You can’t try out an unproven recipe on people,” she
stated.
“But they know its my first time at this and are willing to
try. That’s what they are expecting,” I countered.
“Forget it, make something you know how to make. Make
Brisket”
“Brisket? They
expect Tequila lime chicken!”
“You’re making Brisket. Don’t argue about it”
“Should we tell them it’s not going to be Chicken?” I asked.
“No, let’s let it be a surprise.” Barbara said.
I cooked the Brisket that day and put it in the refrigerator
for use 3 days later. Its always
better to let the meat stay in the gravy (I make it like a Pot roast with
Potatoes) at least one to two days or longer (sometimes a week, but don’t tell
my children). Barbara would make
Matzoh Ball soup to go along with it.
The day of the dinner arrived. I put the Brisket in the oven to finish cooking it and
Barbara made her soup.
Our friends arrived.
The first thing they said was “Where’s the mess from
cooking? Everything looks so neat
and clean.”
“Yes,” I responded, “we clean as we cook so there is no
mess”.
A bald faced lie, but since I had done the actual cooking 3
days before, I could say it and the condition of the kitchen before them seemed
to agree.
They were impressed.
We sat down to eat.
Barbara served the soup. Her Matzoh Ball soup is very good even if it is from the
Manichevitz box.
Now to the main course.
I collected the plates and brought them into the kitchen and
put the Brisket on the plates away from prying eyes.
I brought them in and put them in front of everyone.
Before they could say anything, I said “funny thing, I
followed the recipe but I think it tastes like Brisket.”
We all laughed.
I explained why they were getting Brisket instead of the
chicken.
The Brisket was a hit.
I do make a good Brisket.
Two days later, we made the Tequila Lime Chicken.
It was “ok”. It
didn’t have enough taste and we thought about how to make it better the next
time and came up with some good ideas.
We texted our friends telling them they were better off with
the Brisket.
We next tried a recipe for Potato Soup. It was delicious and
satisfying. So much so, we had it
for two days as a main course (we haven’t tried to cut down on the measurements
yet and everything is for 6-8 servings).
Now we started to brag about our accomplishments and our
friends were quite amazed at us.
Our reputation was we never cooked. In fact the new kitchen had never been used, much less the
new stove.
One of our friends stated “I thought there was a better
chance of you converting to Islam than you ever cooking”. A sentiment shared by all who know us.
Nevertheless, we have continued to cook and at least right
now enjoy it.
We recently made Baked Artichoke Chicken with a side dish of
Kasha Varnishkas. It was very
good.
I felt the need to text our friends, who are at least
partially responsible for our cooking, about this last meal. I told them how well it had come out,
added at the end, “No food poisoning as yet, but it has only been an hour”.
She answered back “Give it time.”
