Redoing the Kitchen

Redoing the Kitchen

“We need a new kitchen” stated my wife, Barbara.

I tried to ignore her.

“I said, we need a new kitchen.”

More ignoring

“Shell, we need a new kitchen,” she said louder and more forcefully.

I looked up from reading the paper, looked at the kitchen and said thoughtfully, “Why?”

“These cabinets are 30 years old, that’s why,” she stated.

“They’re in great shape,” I answered. “Besides, we don’t use the kitchen for cooking.  Look at the new stove we just bought that has only been used once in the last year.  We don’t need a new kitchen.  This one is just like new from lack of use.”

Ignoring my logical and well reasoned argument, Barbara asked, “How much would a new kitchen cost?”

Knowing she would persist, I answered, “about $5,000, $1300 for cabinets, $2,000 or so for granite countertops and then there is labor.  Do you really want to spend that much on something we don’t use or need?”

I hoped that would be the end of it.  Fat Chance.

About once a week, Barbara brings up the new kitchen.  She invariably brings it up when we are with friends seeking their support. 

“Look how well the bathrooms came out,” she says, “You didn’t object to that, why are you objecting to a new kitchen?”

I try to counter with the “lack of use” argument: “Because we use the bathrooms,” I answer, “we don’t use the kitchen”.

This works well with the guys, but the wives have a different slant on it.  They go with the “Style over Function Theorem”

The Theorem states that “A cabinet that has not been redone must be redone even though it is in good shape and is not used”. The corollary to this is: “A kitchen that has not been remodeled is a poor reflection on the wife of the house and must be redone to restore her reputation.”

 I think the author of this theorem worked for the Woman’s Fashion Industry, since it seems to apply to clothes as well as kitchens.

My reasoned arguments that we don’t need to replace a perfectly presentable good kitchen with a new one are usually ignored by all the women who my wife presents to me as supporters of her argument. 

I counter with the “Money Ploy” which states that: the cost of the kitchen would pay for 10 trips to visit our daughter and her family in South Carolina.  It would also preclude our taking a vacation. I also point out that we are hoping to retire soon and we could use the $5,000.

Barbara is growing tired of my arguments against a new kitchen and is becoming more skeptical of my “lack of money” argument.

Once again the Sword of Damocles hangs over me.  I cling to my arguments and hope to outlast her persistence.

People who know us are betting on Barbara.