Friday, January 14, 2011

Barbara Scares a Little Old Lady

Barbara Scares a Little Old Lady

My wife does many things very well.  Identifying cars and paying attention to directions and where she parks her car, isn’t one of them.

She has a hard time remembering where the car is in a mall parking lot.  She once had a security guard drive her around the parking lot because she thought it was stolen.  She had actually come out of a different entrance and got confused.  The guard told her it happens all the time.

She often acts as my navigator when I have gotten directions from Mapquest.  At least once a trip she invariably forgets to tell me when we get to a turn or critical junction.  I am prepared for this and try to anticipate what is coming so I can compensate for her inclination to not pay attention.

One day on our way to work, she asked if we could stop at the bank.

I pulled into the small lot in front of the bank and parked about 2 spots away from the entrance.

Barbara got out and went into the bank to make a deposit.

She came out looking at her deposit slip and walked over to the car that had just parked next to the entrance.  This car in no way shape or form resembled our car, and it was parked in a different spot from where I was.

I observed her pause at the car door on the passenger side, and then open the door and get in.

In that car was a little old lady.  She was terrified, thinking she was going to be robbed or hijacked.

My wife, still looking at her deposit slip ordered the little old lady to get going.  Nothing happened because the little old lady was paralyzed with fear.

Barbara finally looked up.


It wasn’t me in the seat next to her.  

Now Barbara is confused, wondering what the little old lady is doing in our car and where am I?

She spots me watching her and grinning from our car, and suddenly realizes it’s her who is in the wrong car.  

Now she is horrified and embarrassed.  She quickly apologizes to the little old lady who is still too frightened to speak, and gets out of the car and hurries over to our car and gets in and orders me to get out of there.  She is laughing by now at her mistake as am I.

As we drove out of the lot, the little old lady was still in her car, probably wondering “what the hell just happened” and counting herself lucky to be alive.  I’m sure the little old lady had a great story to tell her Mah Jong or Canaster group when she got back to her condo.

This story has made the rounds in our family to much laughter, but everyone thinks I am exaggerating.

Recently, Barbara did it again, only this time in front of most of the family.

My daughter and her family had come to visit as had my niece.  We all went out for dinner along with my niece’s parents, brother and my son-in-law’s sister’s family who are good friends with my niece and daughter.

I parked the car near the entrance to the restaurant, and Barbara and I went inside. 

After dinner, we all were out on the sidewalk in front of the restaurant saying goodbye.  Barbara and I stepped off the curb heading for the row of cars.  She asked me where the car was, I pointed to the right, she walked to the left.

I stopped to see what she was doing.  Everyone on the curb paused to see what she was doing.

Now in her defense, I had just used the remote key to unlock the doors and flash the lights, as had my daughter’s sister-in-law’s family on their car.  Their car was parked opposite my car in the same aisle.  It is black, like our car, but the shape is entirely different as is the interior.

Barbara proceeded to get in Denise’s car (Sister-in-law of my daughter), waiting for me.

Denise’s family now approaches their car and has already seen Barbara getting in it.  Jason, Denise’s husband and Maddie, her daughter, get in the car and look at Barbara.

“Are you coming home with us? “ Jason asks.

Barbara is confused, “What…..?”

Denise is now at the passenger door, looking in at Barbara.

Barbara suddenly realizes she is in the wrong car.  Denise opens the door and Barbara gets out and see’s me standing there in front of our car.  Everyone, including Barbara is hysterically laughing now and reminding her of the last time she did this.  We eventually get in our cars and head home.

My niece’s family told me later that she laughed (more likely giggled) uncontrollably all the way home whenever she thought about what had happened.

My niece and wife have a few traits in common.  They both ask an inordinate amount of questions.  So much so, that I often tell her to “ask Brenna”, and Brenna’s husband says “call Aunt Barbara” when they ask too many questions or questions which we couldn’t possibly know the answer to.

Because of their similarities, I am awaiting for a “wrong car story” about my niece.

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